What does it mean to be esteemed?
To love and respect yourself, to attend to your own needs before others and to have healthy boundaries in place so that you protect, value, act and believe in your healthy treatment, and a life of love and support from within and around. Confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect.
What does low self-esteem look like, sound like, feel like?
Low self-esteem can show up as negative self-talk i.e being unsupportive to self. A lack of boundaries, such as saying yes to things even though you don’t want to do it for yourself. Existing to put other people first.
People pleasing- losing yourself in relationships to others because you’re valuing them before yourself. It looks like dulling your light down or putting your light out to make someone else feel stronger or so their light can shine brighter. I have done this so many times in my life, I have lent people my energy, given it away, my light, my power so they can shine brighter. I have robbed my own energy to feed another’s self esteem.
It can show up as jealousy and seeing others as threats, someone who may take away your power, or control you. It can show up as you being the victim archetype – poor me, the mouse, woe is me or not being able to stand up for yourself, playing dead. It can also show up as the bully, the one who takes power or control, the one with the over inflated ego in low self-esteem , the Donald Trumps of the world.
It can show up as hate, it can make people feel scared and want to retreat into the dark cave and hide from the world. This hate can brew, grow and explode into projected fear, insignificance, pain and inferiority into a missile towards the ones dancing and enjoying the light outside of the cave or towards oneself for not being able to do the things others seem to find so easy. It can be projected disguised in gossip and self-righteousness towards others, to pull them into the darkness or to gain a leg up out of the uncomfortable feelings, out of the dark of confusion or the cave, into the sunshine that feeds life and joy, to salvage a sense of security. Low self-esteem hurts, and hurt people, hurt others.
Throughout life we have all been in these differing positions – we all have the victim archetype, and we have all acted a part in the drama triangle of victim, perpetrator and rescuer. I have been on all ends of this triangle for sure and I can recognise that Karma plays out.
We can through our lessons have the courage to be vulnerable and to not let the darkness of others turn out our light. It’s their vomit they can’t digest that is being projected. Keep shining not in the hope their energy will change but in the hope that your light inspires their light. If you go in the cave with them, they will never see what’s possible. Learn to live in the sunshine, inspire yourself and others. Trust that you are sensitive and wise enough to treat them with compassion, you don’t need to be a bleeding heart. Don’t give your power away by dulling down so everyone’s the same, yep, keep going. Rapport can come with a smile, with posture, empathy, not by putting out your light. By lowering your energy to serve others changes your life for the worse, lowering your vibration and dragging you down. Anchor in your light.
Improving self-esteem is the best thing we can do for ourselves, our energy, our energetic footprint in the universe and for our lineage, breaking familial patterns from the past and into our future generations. Low Self-esteem starts wars in our bodies and literally between countries. It’s a loving act to learn our lessons, to find clarity, strength and pride in ourselves so we don’t try and take down others who are shining their light. Or be dragged down by others who are struggling,It’s a loving act to stop old behaviours and patterns replaying over and over in our life.
By going inwards and working on ourselves in esteem we can create balance, healthy power and our need to control others will reduce. We will begin to flow with life once again like the water that makes up so much of our body, we will resent others less, we will become conscious of our actions and choices. Being internally empowered creates more compassion, it stokes the fire in the belly which enables us to move forward and upwards in energy and vibration into speaking our truth. We can dance in the sunshine.
Low self-esteem in psychophysiology can result in disease in the solar plexus region which is the Celiac plexus, the major nerve centre below your rib cage that goes down to the navel. Disease can be manifested in this area as digestive disorders, emotions and situations you cannot stomach, information or situations you can’t digest. The pancreas, liver, spleen, gallbladder can be affected, the adrenals, allergies, food sensitivities, adrenal fatigue, liver issues, arthritis, colon problems and other illnesses manifested in these physical locations in the body. Our thoughts can create disease and this is physically where issues with self-esteem, people pleasing, power and control issues and lack of healthy boundaries physically show up.
You see once we stop projecting and look inwards at ourselves and work on our self-esteem, sabotage, perfectionism, procrastination and we mature our ego, that’s when we bring healing and balance to our body. Low self esteem can block healing and intuition or massively decrease your healing power. Energy can be restored to the solar plexus which was once blocked and our energy can rise to the heart chakra, to compassion and forgiveness of self and others and above. Aligning you to speak your truth with wisdom and clarity. We become alive inside when we have faith and pride in our own abilities.
So work on your self esteem. Work with your mind – Look at your values and beliefs, what do you believe and why, what do you believe in because someone else told you too? What are your values? What do you value because someone told you too? Re-evaluate what is true for you today, add new values and beliefs that support you as an adult. Look at when why and whom you give your power away to. When/where do you need to stand up for yourself. How/where am i not respecting myself. Who do you let step over your boundaries and why? What does that get for you? How do you sabotage yourself?
You may also be in the cave because you don’t want to hurt people and you long to connect and be free, but know you lash out. We can come at this from so many angles and there is no shame here, shame blocks us from moving forward. We’re human, we have been the victim, the rescuer and perpetrator, we have thrown hurt and been hurt, we have been in the cave and been the one dancing in the sun. Forgive yourself for being a soul living a human life in this tale as old as time. See it from all angles, and let it go.
Ho’oponopono
I Love You, I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You
Think about your own situation and start working on those tough questions. Start with your values and beliefs, look at your boundaries, look at what’s toxic in your life – people, situations, thoughts and what you can let go of. Have a life detox, your digestion has been telling you this for a while ‘somethings toxic’.
Work physically – release emotions with movement, whatever you fancy, this isn’t about exercise it’s about moving this energy out of your body, so it’s not stagnating. We want flow, get that energy moving, get the blocks cleared. After you do emotional work, go for a walk, go to an exercise class, have a dance or do some yoga. Support yourself to physically shift it with movement.
Support yourself emotionally and spiritually with meditation, I find a chakra cleanse meditation is great at grounding you emotionally and rebalancing your energy, or a zen or mindfulness meditation. You can also go out into nature and take a mindful walk noticing everything through your senses, paying attention in the moment to your surroundings. Journal your thoughts. Find solace – spend time on your own.
Read some books or download audios on boundaries, self-esteem, self-love. Carolyn Myss has a fabulous audio on Self-esteem. I also find the time for audios more than reading books. Blake Bauer author has a great audio series and book called ‘You were not born to suffer’. Brene Brown has books on vulnerability and courage. Low self-esteem fears vulnerability.
Other authors who may be of use – Eckhart Tolle, Marianne Williamson, Louise Hay, Cheryl Richardson, Wayne Dyer, Esther and Jerry Hicks.