Hello lovely beautiful hearts. Today’s Happy Hit is being served from day four of the school holidays here in Victoria Australia.
I have been struggling with Fatty Liver Disease for around 6 months now, you may not know much about it but it makes a person super super tired amongst other fun things like light headedness, migraines and crazy blood sugars. So this week my naturopath says my adrenal glands are shot after being prodded by copious amounts of coffee to try and keep my eyes open, apparently this is not a good combination, so I am on a truck load of herbal meds to try and get through the school holidays (awake) with all my children, my business and my sanity intact.
So why am I telling (babbling) you all this? I’m hoping if this kind of monkey mind chatter is familiar, it might give others hope. I have been finding my days consistently battling with my mind over what is acceptable behaviour for me in my waking day, here is an example of the chatter:
“I have a business to run- but I’m so tired, what’s wrong with me? pull yourself together!”
“Why haven’t you done any work”
“Why are you being so lazy”
“Are you stupid?- don’t call me stupid, that is awful and I don’t say that, I should feel awful about that”
“Do you not realize you are an adult”
“I just want to have a lie down – you can’t lie down, you have a business to run, grow up!”
“I’m so embarrassed I haven’t done any work”
“How do you think you are going to achieve anything?”
“Normal people can get shit done, why can’t you?”
“OK I have F.L.D but am I really just avoiding my work?”
Have I created all these illnesses in my body so I don’t have to design my online courses so I don’t fail or succeed?”
“No one loves you”
“The kids think you’re useless”
“Hubby thinks you’re useless”
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something”
Mean huh! So this kind of chatter has been running wild in my head unchecked on and off for 6 months (and I know who this inner critic is too as it all sounds familiar from my past). I know I’m not kind to myself when I am sick and I know there are so many lessons here for me.
If I hear these words and I imagine someone else saying them to me or someone I love I feel outraged, and believe that I would never allow that person in my life. I would be advising the person I love who is hearing these words to walk away from such a bully. I didn’t hear these words sneaking in to my body as being acceptable and that is alarming! It is as though my heart took a nap and I allowed my mind to bully my body in order to get results, this is my brain, my thoughts my instructions sprinkling that misery all over my cells and my day, Wow this is not OK! The lengths we go to find motivation hey, it is not OK for my heart to take a nap and leave me with monkey mind. Who withdrew their heart from me when I was sick? Which loving person said this to me so I thought it was OK? I will no longer abandon myself when I’m sick! This heart is staying awake always, I will not abandon myself to a fatigued and yet excited monkey who just wants results at all costs. Thank you for this lesson universe, this monkey mind is getting checked!
What I know now is my body is always right if I can find the courage to listen, hear, validate and act. My body has been screaming out to my heart for me to care about it, telling me its worth better, now I’m ready to listen. Thank you monkey mind for whipping me but my heart’s in charge now so go get a banana. When difficult times come, lean in with heart and love, love is always the answer. Do not throw hurt, hurt may get results but at what cost? Ramp your heart up to 11 and get channelling your inner maternal cheerleader.